Beginnings, Episode 5: Zealous

...so that I may by all means save some. - 1 Corinthians 9:22

And I say to you, make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of unrighteousness, so that when it fails, they will receive you into the eternal dwellings. - Luke16:9

Artie Flanders eased into the office of Pastor Nate Griffith prepared for a battle. Every time Bobby Halliburton suggested a ministry to support, it threatened to cost the church $10 million. Every time Kirkson proposed something, it threatened rebellion from the evangelical conservatives. And whenever Lamkin had an idea, it brought the risk of government intervention or activist opposition.

Shephard would bring in a dozen programs to attract people. It would be Artie's job to send numbers to his team. They would then whittle the options down to maximize efficiency. The goal? The most dollars for the lowest investment. Surprisingly, Shephard wasn’t too bad - at least he wasn’t a zealot.

Artie would never say it aloud, but he had an unspoken agreement with the pastor. They aimed to bring in the most money with the fewest people. Charity was more effective overseas, where $100 could buy what $1,000 or even $10,000 would buy in the U.S. The church showed no kindness to local members who could work or qualify for government support. As far as Artie was concerned, no one was truly poor in the U.S. - just lazy.

It was up to volunteer committees to convert overseas programs into motivational images that would attract funds. Local patrons could be sent to "programs" to feel like they were gaining something from the church. However, these should run through volunteers or the overworked ministers to keep costs low. The building was largely paid for already.

Let other people worry about souls, missions, and compassion. Artie’s job was to run the church as a business. All he needed to do—likely with Barry Shephard's assistance—was to present this business adorned with robes and crosses.

Of course, he also had to set aside some budget for the pastor's kids and their pet projects. Artie often marveled at how such a practical man as Pastor Griffith could contribute DNA to such dim-witted offspring. They wanted to enhance the music program and community Bible studies. As long as these initiatives remained volunteer-driven, that was fine. But these kids wanted to hire professional musicians, which was out of the question. The Christmas program had already cost them a fortune.

Oh, and let’s not forget the production company. That was schduled to be a loss leader. Artie needed to attract substantial contributors while touting “cultural influence” and “bringing light to a dark world of entertainment.” This was critical to prevent that program from draining the church’s finances.

Artie pushed open the inner door into a vast private space. The boardroom table rivaled those found in Fortune 500 companies. It featured leather-upholstered seats and cloth tapestries on the walls to dampen sound. The heavy mahogany table dominated the center of the room, surrounded by men in expensive suits. Even Pastor Nate and his sons dressed well, while his daughter was not welcome in this room full of men. The Baptist label made this exclusion convenient.

What continuously shocked Artie was Pastor Nate Griffith’s genuine belief in everything he espoused. His politics? Conveniently aligned with the biggest political donors. His favored ministries? Always the ones that generated the most revenue. He truly believed it was his duty to be a good steward of God's resources and calling.

Whatever mattered most to Pastor Nate also happened to yield the highest profits. All this revenue was, of course, to be reinvested in the "church."

Those who understood the dynamics told the pastor just enough to allow him to cling to his self-deception. He believed that the broken homes and dispirited daughters, the needy hangers-on, and the mentally ill who seemed to seek out the church were best served by all the programs designed to "aid" them.

For Artie, the task was straightforward. He needed to monitor which programs succeeded without draining too much financial resources. If certain initiatives did become too costly, he needed to find justification to outsource them to external charities with alternative funding sources.

How else could Artie—the financial advisor extraordinaire to billionaires—bring the church to its highest net profit? He needed to safeguard the pivotal points of revenue. These points had to be protected from the zealous, ensuring maximum returns. If anyone threatened those vital areas, they had to be suppressed, silenced, or crushed.

Finally, closing the door behind him, Artie moved to his place at the head of the table and raised his hands. “Let’s pray.”