Beginnings, episode 1: Renewal

"This is the air I breathe.

This is the air I breathe.

Your holy presence.

Living, in me...."

Savvi raised her hands to the sky, her eyes closed, as the thrum of the music and beat from the drums shivered through her and lifted her heart to God. In some ways, she liked it better when she wasn't on stage, instead on her knees, her face to the ground and curled in on herself, so she could nestle away from the crowd, just her and God, in rapturous worship.

"And I, I'm desperate for You...

And I, I'm lost without You...

I'm lost without You.

I'm lost without You."

The music hummed, low and resonant, easing the tension of passion into the comfort of peace and quiet, and Savvi stood still, her face still raised to the God she loved.

If the people in the little chapel with her could know a portion of the love she felt, they would never be the same.

Finally, the music shifted to the wandering lilt of a transition, her cue to remove herself from the spotlight, take her place, as would the other singers and musicians, so they could all listen to the Word of God.

She always tried to make herself listen. She tried to care.

She just realized at some point that she didn't understand the struggles other people faced, that though she could imagine what they were going through - being attracted to the parties, the popularity, the thrills - had lost their appeal for Savvi once Jesus had gotten ahold of her.

She remembered the day she had laid down the last of her anger. Her Aunt Carol, who had both given her a love for the truth and handed her the source of her greatest struggle.

When Aunt Carol had become guardian for her young niece and nephew, everyone had expected her to be the best replacement for her deceased sister and brother-in-law. She, of all the siblings, had the most energy. Her children were newly graduated, so she was both the closest to having kids and the one who hadn't already moved on into retirement.

Carol was great, honestly, but she just didn't understand Savvi. Savvi couldn't care about grades or achievement or ambition. Savvi was an artist, and she held both an artist's passion and an artist's disregard for convention. So many fights - so much conflict - had rendered Savvi an angry child.

Until she figured out that God loved her as she was. God had made her an artist, and God appreciated her artistry. Her only job beyond the music she loved was to love other people - even Aunt Carol.

"Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires..." she repeated as a mantra.

"Savvi!" the voice broke into her thoughts, and she realized that the prayer had ended.

"Jack," she smiled as she rose to her feet. "Do you have to wait for you mom again?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I hear some frustration..."

"I know," he shrugged. "Honor your father and mother."

Savvi laughed. "The one thing not having parents makes easier."

Jack raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sorry," she smirked, taking his arm. "You handed that one to me."

"Hi, Savvi," rang a rich tenor from across the chapel, and Savvi raised her eyes to the eager countenance of a boy a grade below her.

"Hi..." she stumbled.

"Wes," Jack muttered so that the boy wouldn't hear.

"...Wes" she finished the greeting over her shoulder as they stepped out into the hot, summer night. Leaning back to Jack, she wondered, "Who is he?"

"A junior from Central."

"So, rich."

"Nah. He's just average." Jack tilted his head, peering at her out the side of his eyes. Shocked, Savvi thought she read some genuine jealousy in her best friend's face. "I never thought you would care if a guy were rich."

Incensed, she actually shoved him away from her and slapped his arm. "I do not care! If anything, I was trying to figure out if I was going to have to keep talking to him. Rich people don't seem to stick around me for too long."

"You're too honest," he flashed a smile, his grey eyes crinkling at the corners. "They're use to only being told what is good about them."

"You make me sound mean," she sulked as they entered the fellowship hall, meeting with the scents of hot pizza and fresh baked cookies. "I don't say mean things."

"You say true things, and to people who are used to hearing what they want - or making it up if they can't - the truth sounds like an insult."

Savvi furrowed her brow in thought as Jack lowered her to a seat. Was she mean?

"I'll get us some pizza. Pepperoni?"

"What do you think?" she challenged. "And don't forget a Dr. Pepper!"

She loved Jack so much - he was the kindest person she knew. She would have dated him, too, if he would have asked her. Not going to happen, she lamented, well aware that Jack had a no dating policy.

Not until I meet the girl I'm going to marry...he always insisted.

He was so weird.

"Hi, Savvi," thrummed a voice, a mildly familiar voice.

She glanced up into the face of intensity, of determination and charm. A tight smile fixed on his face, and some kind of energy just radiated off of him.

"Wes..." she lifted the corners of her lips for a minutes before peering back toward the kitchen in search of Jack.

"What did you think of the lesson?" Wes pressed, seating himself in the chair closest to Savvi.

"Um," she leaned to her right to see if she could see down the dark hall into the back kitchen, but no sign of Jack. "Brilliant as always," she finally looked at her companion, huffing out a breath to suppress her frustration at Jack's continued absence.

"What was brilliant about it?"

Savvi shook her head, realizing she was not getting rid of this kid until she answered him. "I mean, the part about not doing Christianity alone. I think he should have expanded it, though. Teenagers need a voice of wisdom in their lives, and that doesn't mean someone who gets up and talks at them once a week."

"What do you think it should be?"

"Like Jesus. We should have disciplers, people who take us on as a responsibility and guide us. People we can call for advice."

Wes narrowed his eyes at her, and she couldn't tell if he approved or was readying to strike down her perspective. "That is a really good idea. They should have something like that." By the time he finished his agreement, a couple of freshmen girls had sat down at the table with them, and she sighed a sigh of relief when one of them asked him about the upcoming football game at Central.

Just then, Jack stepped out from the darkened hallway, and she could register his shock a the growing group at the table. Knowing his tendency toward insecurity, Savvi rose to her feet "to help with the pizza," and as he handed it to her, she threw out some small talk to ease his anxiety.

"What took so long?" she wondered, approaching the table shoulder to shoulder with him.

"They were out of Italian sausage in front, so I searched some up from the kitchen for you?"

A grin split Savvi's face. "You're awesome, Jack." Then glancing at the full table. "Why don't we go sit outside?"

Jack returned her smile, and as they reset their trajectory to the door, she took note of the way "Wes" followed them out the door with his eyes. Before they even sat down, Jack's mom materialized through a doorway into the main building.

"Sorry, Jack. I have to get home."

"But..."

"It's your sister. She needs me."

Savvi blew out a breath, laying a hand on Jack's arm. "Sorry you have to leave, but don't worry about me. Melissa is here today, so I can just go sit with her." If she hadn't known better, she would have thought Jack glanced in at the junior kid who had invaded their table. "See, she's right over there." Savvi pointed to their right, away from Wes and the growing group of girls.

"Okay. See you Sunday."

"See you Sunday."

Before she made it to Melissa, Wes was back. "Where'd you go?" he challenged.

"Jack and I were sitting outside." She emphasized the word "Jack" in hopes that the kid would get the message.

"Did you know that the mosquitoes we have right now carry West Nile disease?"

"Lucky I'm coming in now, then," she murmured, making a beeline for Melissa and her friends. Once again, Wes seated himself at the table. He had to have been following her around.

And it wasn't the last time. He held enough common acquaintance that Savvi never knew if he had really come for her, and maybe she had just not noticed him when she hadn't known him.

It was the basketball game that really made it clear, though. He was there for her.

Savvi attended a private school, a luxury made possible because her Aunt Carol sold one of the biggest pieces of art left from her marriage specifically for the purpose.

Wes attended Central Public.

"This is getting annoying," Savvi complained to Melissa after she recognized the mousy-brown head of hair and the loud presence as he worked the stands.

"Why?" Melissa shrugged. "I think you should date him instead of Jack. He's cuter, and he doesn't have weird beliefs about dating. "

"But no one is as nice as Jack."

"Which does nothing for you if he won't commit to you."

Savvi shook her head. His kindness affected her, even if it wasn't as a boyfriend.

The commitment, though. If he wasn't committed, what kept him from disappearing in a week? His mom had moved him around ten times sine his parents' divorce.

Probably not Wes, but maybe she would date someone.

"Here he comes!" Mel whispered, and Savvi glanced up to his rapid approach.

"Hey, Savvi!" he cheered, flashing her his tense smile.

"Wes."

"Do you know Leo?" He gestured to a little cluster of students still seated on the stands.

"Not well. He dated one of my friends."

"Well, we're throwing him a birthday party after the Central football game two Fridays from now, and we're trying to pump up the numbers. Would you come? You could bring Melissa - she'll be at the game anyway for Brad."

"I'll think about it..."

A week later, Wes asked for a ride home after her game since he couldn't drive. Annoyed, she told him she had a date and could only take him as far as the highway. After a quick shower in the locker room, she stuck her head back into the gym, hoping Wes had left.

Instead, he had gathered half of the remaining population of the gym, and they sat around him talking and laughing loudly. As soon as she stepped onto the court, though, he turned to her.

"Gotta go," he informed the group, and rising to his feet, he met her halfway to the door. "You had twelve rebounds and fourteen points. Are you the highest ranked on the team?"

Savvi narrowed her eyes at him. Who counted a girl's stats?

"No. Mel and Daria are better."

"Better stats, maybe. But not better players. When you're not on the court, the team doesn't do as well."

Wes was getting less annoying. Maybe Mel was right.

Before she knew it, he was at Melissa's house - with her and Savvi and their respective dates. Wes hovered like a hummingbird around the edges of the living room, lurking in the hallway or on the stairs, and darting in with an attempt at charm whenever Savvi's date left her alone for a minute.

Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Melissa opened it to the irritated visage of Wes's mom.

"I was told my son was here?" She was obviously irked that she had needed to come get him.

"Wes!" Savvi called out, and Wes appeared from the back side of the kitchen arch.

"You wanna come see my football game Friday?" he wondered.

"Maybe next time," she shrugged. "Sorry I couldn't take you all the way home."

Like, really sorry, she didn't say.

"That was weird," Melissa mumbled, affirming Savvi's impressions.

"Weird."

"But you should have said yes to the football game. Wes is cute. He's jacked, too, and he's taller than you, which is hard to do. I'm going to watch Brad play. Besides, your date tonight was too handsy. You were dodging him nonstop."

Thinking back about the evening, all Savvi could remember was Wes catching her every time she was alone. It was true, though. She could hardly remember her date's name, but she remembered scooting away from him during the movie, and pulling down a pillow so she wouldn't need to lean in his shoulder.

Jack would not have liked her date tonight either.

But Jack has no right to protest, she reminded herself.

"If I go, Wes will try to drag me to his friend's party."

"So, go! Would that be the worst thing?"

"Will you come with me? With Brad?"

Melissa rolled her eyes. "Fine. If it will get you to stop pining over Jack."

Savvi blew out a breath. She didn't want to stop pining over Jack, but she just didn't think she could deal with the lack of commitment from him anymore. If she were to have given herself up for him, he would have had to give something back. He had made it clear he wasn't willing to do that.  She would try one more time, but if he blew her off, she was done.

"I can't make it,"

Jack apologized through the phone a few hours later when she got home to the phone

"My mom has to work, and my sister is sick again. She can't be left alone."

"But who will I sit with? Melissa is going to be with Brad's friends. Can't your other sister come over?"

"She has so much on her plate. She would do it if I asked her, but I just can't ask her right now."

She couldn't blame him. He would rather have been at the game, but it was just who he was. He would never say no to anyone - except apparently her.

"Don't worry about it, Jack. I shouldn't have said anything. You've got real problems, not stupid teenage ones."

"They're not teenage problems. Just human social problems."

"Okay, well, I'll save you some candy."

The phone line went quiet.

"What is it?"

Savvi prompted.

Jack sighed.

"It's my dad. Part of the reason my mom is working more is because my dad wants to take her back to court."

"Are you kidding?"

"He's on disability, and he says she could pay more for my older brother - who is in college, mind you."

Savvi could not fathom the stupidity. Her parents had stayed married until they died. Aunt Carol had stayed married to Uncle Vincent. Her Uncle Trip had divorced once, before Savvi was born, but he had remarried within two years and stayed married since. She didn't understand the whole divorce thing.

"This is why I'm not dating until I get engaged."

"How is it going to help you avoid a divorce just because you don't date? If anything, you may not recognize the girl you want to marry?" she was getting frustrated again.

"My parents got pregnant with my brother before they got married. They were dating for a year, and they thought they would probably marry, but that had to have messed up their relationship."

"But they weren't Christians!"

"My mom was. She knew she shouldn't have been dating him, but once you get into that kind of thing, it's sometimes hard to get out."

"But if you're both Christians..."

"No, I'm just not taking the chance. I watch my mom struggle every day, and I'm not going to go through that."

It was the same argument they'd had fifty times, and Jack just wouldn't budge. It was ridiculous, and Savvi was reaching her end with him.

"I've gotta go, Savvi. My sister needs me. I'll see you Sunday?"

"Sunday,"

she murmured, setting down the receiver and slumping back into her beanbag chair. Her heart fell. She still didn't blame him - she loved Jack. Maybe actually loved him - but their goals didn't align. Steadying herself with a few breaths, she focused in on what she really wanted. She wanted to date someone, and it wouldn't be Jack.

She would go to the game. She would go to the party. And what happened happened.